Combined Task Force 150 (CTF-150) is a multinational coalition naval task force with logistics facilities at Djibouti established to monitor, inspect, board, and stop suspect shipping to pursue the "War on Terrorism" and in the Horn of Africa region (HOA) (includes operations in the North Arabia Sea to support Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF), and operations in the Indian Ocean) to support Operation Enduring Freedom - Horn of Africa (OEF-HOA). These activities are referred to as Maritime Security Operations (MSO).

Countries presently contributing to CTF-150 include Republic of Korea, Canada, Denmark[1], France, Germany, Pakistan, the United Kingdom and the United States. Other nations who have participated include Australia, Italy, Netherlands, New Zealand, Portugal, Singapore, Spain, and Turkey. The command of the task force rotates among the different participating navies, with commands usually lasting between four and six months. The task force usually comprises 14 or 15 vessels.[2] CTF-150 is coordinated with, and incorporates vessels of, the US Navy's Fifth Fleet, under the Combined Forces Maritime Component Commander/Commander US Naval Forces Central Command in Bahrain.    (From Wikipedia)

AROUND THE TRAPS
A wake was held on Friday for Paul Green who recently passed away in Thailand.  A service was held in Melbourne last week. An informal gathering at the Naval Association provided an opportunity for old ship mates and friends to say farewell, a DVD of the service sent by Paul's family was shown.

What was I thinking?  Last week I reported that Dave Luck had a bypass operation, but I stuffed up.... "Norm, Just wanted to clarify the bypass report in the log.  It wasn't a heart bypass, it was a popiteal artery in the leg. It was needed to maintain the blood flow to my foot and save amputation. A few weeks recuperation and then the other leg gets done."  Heart was easier to spell!  Dave sent this photo taken on ANZAC Day in Heaton Mersey, Cheshire. 

Dave 'Goldie' Horne was in Brisbane at Greenslopes Private Hospital this week to have an old spinal cord stimulator removed and a mylogram. He got back home on Wednesday, has a lot of staples in him and is a bit sore but doing OK. Next Wednesday he goes back to Brisbane to see a Neurosurgeon, and hopes to be back home the same day.

Margaret Dangel reports that Anatol is very sick. They don't know what is wrong with him he has been in hospital 3 times since the 14th April and is still in Hospital. He is having more test done this week but it's a mystery and a challenge for the Doctors.

Robert 'Nicko' Nicholls forwarded the following message regarding LCDR RC Seaward RN (rtd) who was CO of HMAS Otama from January 1979 till April 1980.  The email from Jim McMasters read "This morning I was informed that Bob had a heart attack last night and is in hospital having tests and treatment.  The very good news is that I have just been talking to Bob on the phone.  He is now back home again and on the the path to recovery.  As he says himself, he crossed the bar but the tide washed him back!  Although I think who ever is on the other side threw him back!!! Bob is in good spirits and knows what he has to do to recover fully."  If you want to send Bob a 'get well' send it to me and I will pass it on.

While on the subject of poms, Mike Bennett asked "Could you check the membership list to see if there is a Bob Drew listed – Ex RN Submariner supposedly living in Darwin some time ago. An oppo of his is trying to see if he is around."  Bob is not a Member, can you help Mike?

Peter Morgan wrote "I always knew I was officer material but some how didn't quite make the grade (Be nice now Norm)... Attached photos were taken in 1971 aboard HMAS Parramatta on Xmas day.... Not all that sure, but think the uniform belonged to a LCDR Raymont or Raymond, does that name ring a bell?"  Yes mate, Warwick Raymont was our commissioning MEO on Ovens, your email prompted me to give him a call in SA to say g'day.

Terry 'Coyote' and Helen Wyatt are currently in Helensburg (Scotland) visiting family and Terry reports "Some sad news, the Crescent Pub is No more. It had a few name changes over the time we left in 1977 to the Draughtsman after Scotts Drawing Office, then back to Flynz and now it the Saffron Bar.  It sells Curries and hot take a ways. There is not one Pub left from the time we built the six Boats.  I am enjoying my stay even if it snows while watch bowls it a tab cool at the moment but its spring next week so I have been told.  I have caught up with Blue Butler from Otway days and will phone Niko Nichols (Orion) tonight, he lives up in Glasgow." 

An old kellick was tidying up his filing cabinet and sat there without taking his eyes off the papers he was holding. His wife asked 'What are you doing?' to which he replied ‘Nothing.’  "'Nothing?" replied the wife? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'  The kellick responded 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

Jeff Ray, in an email to Peter 'Arab' Clark reminisced on his encounter with a a WOCOXN.  He wrote "My last duty watch in pussers a few weeks before I paid off was at Kuttabul where WO Coxswain Collins resided. I was a Chief.  He thought my hair was too long...which it probably was so he made me go across to the Kuttabul barber for a haircut before I took over as Duty Chief.  BUT, before I went he got me out the back of the Reg Office at Kuttabul, and got a kellick coxswain to take photos of me holding a little blackboard with my name and official number on like a crim.... front, back and side photos... he kept an album for future reference.  I had the haircut and it wasn't short enough so I went back for another.... and then another..... 2 weeks before I paid off and my most vivid memories were of getting three haircuts in one afternoon at Kuttabul and having mug shots like a crim....".

Arab responded with his memories... "The above story reminds me of requesting to 'cease shaving' at Dolphin, I was up for review the day before we drafted out, the Master checked me over and asked what I was up to, reply was four weeks leave before returning to Aussie, he wanted to know what I was going to do during the four weeks, my reply was grow a lot of facial hair Master, to wit I had the photo's taken and approved. Many years later, my beloved Coxn Max Hardy made reference to my facial hair and the fact I trimmed it accordingly, I referred him to the Master at Dolphin circa 76/77 to request he get the 'approved' photo, I'm not sure if he did but it got him off my back !!"  And I thought that moth eaten look was because you couldn't grow!!!!

My query last week on which submarine was 'befriended' by the SS Iberia in the '60s  resulted in two responses.  "Lloyd Blake said "A large percentage of Otway Commissioning crew sailed to UK in P & O's IberiaA - She paid off in 1972 so guess it could have been any O boat in the reported incident."

Peter Reid replied "Don't know if this the same ship but the Sealion spent Easter 65 or 66 in Tangiers. There was a passenger ship alongside at the same time. A number of the crew spent a fair bit of time in the fwd mess enjoying the hospitality and in return supplied us with food and the use of their facilities (we weren't allowed to bring grog aboard. Shame about that). Can't remember the name of the ship though.

Talking about cruise ships, Tom and Laurie Johnston report "We are back from our South Pacific sea trip, what a wonderful life these skimmers live. Spent Anzac day at sea, mid way between Hawaii and Samoa, the Captain and his crew made it a very special day. There were a lot of veterans on board and we actually had four submariners at both the dawn service and the midday service. It was a real experience to spend Anzac day in an area that so much of our history took place. I even met an ex RAAF chap that claims "Paddy Thorpe" as a friend.  Looking forward to seeing you in Coffs Harbour."

HMAS Otama to go to Cardinia?
Rumour has it that funds are being sought by the Koo-wee-rup community to float the HMAS Otama submarine project.  Koo-wee-rup Township Committee member Geoff Stokes said Cardinia Council had been “informally lobbied” about getting money for the project.

President of the Koo-wee-rup RSL Sub-branch Ron Ingram said the idea had also been run past other larger RSLs to assess their interest.  He said the subject would be discussed in greater depth at a local RSL meeting this week.  “It is so far past left field that it might just work,” he said.

“If it went ahead it would be almost the biggest tourist attraction in the shire.  “We are thinking about this in conjunction with having a military museum in Koo-wee-rup. The submarine would ... be the icing on the cake.”
 

UK retail price: £12.95, the approx price would be A$28 or NZ$35 inc. postage.  242 page, paperback. Over 230 greyscale and colour photos. Order from saclewlow@yahoo.co

Stuart Clewlow has written a limited edition (150 copies) comprehensive account of the service history and crew of HMS ‘Ursula’; Famous in its day, this World War Two ‘baby’ Submarine, was the sole survivor of the original group of pre-war built U-Class vessels.  Further more, ‘Ursula’ was an ‘adopted’ vessel of one of the hundreds of Warship Week National Savings campaigns. She was sponsored by the people of Chorley and District in Lancashire and a contingent of the crew paid their respects there in 1943. Although many know about the stories of ‘Upholder’, ‘Thrasher’ and the actions of the famous 10th Submarine Flotilla, few know the history behind this Submarine, which has just as eventful a story to tell.

Drawing on a wide range of Royal Navy, social and historical records, combining fact with witness accounts, the overall account is illustrated with photographs and supported with quotes from those who were part of the action.

Every aspect of this little-acknowledged boat from Royal Navy history is covered for the first time in one publication.  From its original conception as a training vessel, to firing the first British Submarine torpedoes of the war, to taking the first German Prisoners by British Submarine in the war, surviving a near fatal collision and later transferring into the control of the Soviet Navy- this is the story of ‘Ursula.’  Supporting the story are the actual views, comments and the parts they played in these exploits by ex-members of the wartime crew.

This book should be read by anyone interested in World War II and the Civilian support for the services and also Submarine warfare as seen by those who took part.”

Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling, take celibacy.  This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.

While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Roger, a retired Coxswain and his wife Denise listened to the instructor declare 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.'  He addressed the men. 'Can you each name and describe your wife's favourite flower?'

Roger leaned over, touched Denise's arm gently and whispered, 'Self-raising, isn't it?

Thus began Roger's life of celibacy.

A Submariners Ghost Story
This story happened a while ago at Fleet Base West, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, Tony Vine assures me it is true.

A Young Principal Warfare Officer, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to HMAS Stirling on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

The PWO desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.  The car started moving slowly. The PWO looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then,just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. The PWO, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, the PWO saw the lights of the Causeway appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to Police Gate and hopped into the OOD's car just as he was driving off towards the island.  On arrival at the Wardroom, Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the Wardroom when everybody realized he was crying... and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two Submarine Officers walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like the PWO, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing the PWO sobbing at the bar, one said to the other....

Look Engines....there's that f*^%ing skimmer idiot that  got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!'

And Tony never fibs!!!

Ken Chilvers sent the following snap "Here's a photo of my young bloke James standing next to Otamas' starboard propeller when she was in drydock middle 1977 during build."

Carol Wilson writes "The Christening photo was taken on board Oxley on Father's Day 1969. The two gorgeous girls will be 41 at the end of this week. Kim now has a brood of her own ranging in age from 13½  to 2½ . Smudge Smithies may be able to help with details about Lisa Marie but I know she was married in Brisbane some years ago."

HEALTH & WELFARE MATTERS
Class Action against Banks
Most of us would be familiar with the frustration of getting slogged with a steep bank fee for going beyond an agreed limit, or for making a card repayment a few days late.   Now, customers are siding with a law firm to fight the charges, claiming the true cost of late payments to banks may be only a few dollars at most on each transaction, while banks are making a fortune charging over $30 for each fee.

The group, Financial Redress, have campaigned over the last year for customers to receive compensation and are now planning large scale class actions - pegged to be the biggest in corporate history - to make banks repay all the exception fees they have deducted over the last six years, plus interest.

For more information, visit:  www.financialredress.com.au  Email queries to: info@financialredress.com.au

Defence HomeOwner Scheme Closure
IMPORTANT - This "closure" notice does not refer to the new Defence Home Ownership Assistance Scheme (DHOAS). DHOAS is not closing. When DHOAS started on 1 July 2008, it superseded the old Defence HomeOwner Scheme (DHOS). Since that date, serving ADF members have not been able to access DHOS.

DHOS has remained open to personnel who separated from the ADF before the new Scheme, DHOAS, started on 1 July 2008. They were given two years after separating to apply for benefits under the old Scheme, DHOS.

Please note the closure of DHOS to new applications does not affect the ongoing payment of current DHOS subsidies to existing clients. These changes will not affect you if you are currently receiving a DHOS subsidy.  However, if you close or change your current DHOS loan, thereafter you may be unable to access any outstanding entitlement. You are advised to call 1300 434 627 before making any changes to your DHOS loan.

Apply for DHOS before 30 June 2010
Ex-service personnel who have an outstanding entitlement to the Defence HomeOwner Scheme (DHOS) are advised to apply for their benefits before the Scheme closes from 30 June 2010. The Department of Defence announced that DHOS would close when it launched the new, replacement Defence Home Ownership Assistance Scheme (DHOAS) on 1 July 2008. Since then, details about the DHOS closure have also been provided on this website.

As the date of the closure nears, Defence would again like to inform anyone who has an outstanding DHOS entitlement that they must submit an application for an Entitlement Certificate before 30 June 2010.

For full details visit the Defence website.

Graeme Draper was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"  Graeme replied, "Thank you Morag, I'll have chicken." "Stuff You" replied Morag "You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."

DFRDB/DFRDB indexation increase for JUL 10
According to my sources the DFRDB/DFRDB indexation increase for JUL 10 will be calculated as follows:
MAR 10 CPI number - SEP 09 CPI number divided by SEP 09 CPI number and multiplied by 100

= 171.0 - 168.6 divided by 168.6 and multiplied by 100
= 1.42348
= 1.42% (rounded off)

Thus all Defence superannuants should expect a 1.42 % indexation increase to paid for superannuation entitlements during July 2010!  Now, do I spend it on wine, women or beer???  Sit on this Kevin!!!!

Fair Go, PM
Would somebody please inform Kevin Rudd that there are many people in this country who don’t belong to “working families” but who have paid taxes all their working lives? In retirement they make a valuable contribution to society; be it through caring for elderly parents or grandchildren or through myriad volunteer services, that would have to be funded from higher taxes paid by “working families”.

Many of those I speak to who are not currently part of a “working family” are sick of Mr Rudd’s repeated references to “working families”. He has done this when announcing health and tax policies as if health and tax aren’t matters affecting people from non-working families.

Yes, as the parent of members of three working families I want to see Government policies that are fair and appropriate for them, but equally I would like to see the fairness for all Australians that Mr Rudd promised before the last election. To start with, he could index military superannuants’ pensions fairly and remove the blatant taxation discrimination ex- service people experience.

As for military superannuation pensions, he has ignored the collective wisdom of three Senate inquiries which recommended a fair wage based index and instead accepted the recommendation of a British based actuary; yet he claims to be an evidenced-based, fair politician.

He has obviously forgotten that most current non-working family Australians played their part in making the great Australia we all enjoy today. All they want is the fairness he promised.

These people may be seniors, but most have good memories which they will use come election day.

Richard Usher, President
Defence Force Welfare Association (WA Branch)

Sunday, 9^th May 2010

Only a short entry this week, I have been away looking at property and I have heaps to put in, but off to dinner tonight so I will run out of time.  Lots of email to catch up with.

SUBMARINE ASSOCIATION AUSTRALIA
One of the benefits of being an SAA Member is the access to the Welfare Foundation in time of need. Recently a Member hit a rough spot and he had run out of options.  It was recommended that he approach the Foundation for assistance and in a very short period of time he had funds to help overcome his needs.  Soon after he got another job and this week I was pleased to see an email thanking the SAA all for the support he received when he needed it. He also repaid the loan, it is back in the bank for another deserving case to access.

The number of Members that have yet to pay their subscriptions for 2010 is still far too high. The response has been dismal, please pay up or advise us of your intentions.   Note:  We also had several payments for subs that cannot be identified, no name on EFT deposit.  Was this yours????

Norm Williams
National Secretary
0419 863 558

SUBMARINE GROUP NEWS

Since I left the Submarine School I have been out of the loop and was very happy to hear from LCDR Jonathan Tha who sent the following;

HMAS Collins is busily preparing for the usual cycle of workups. Next week, CMDR Tom Phillips (the good looking chap in the photo) hands Command over to CMDR Glenn Miles. I currently have three weeks left as XO SM Crew 2/HMAS Collins; The lesson here is that even if you fail Perisher, never ever utter the phrase “What’s the worst they can do to me? Send me to sea on a submarine?” even in jest! Thereafter, I hand over the reins to LCDR Michael Jacobson.

I read with interest the banter about the licence plates that used to adorn the MGR in Collins. I recall seeing them back in 1998 when I was a Part 3. Politically correct or not, I would love to see them hanging up again if possible – a sentiment shared by my fellow HOD and Overlord of the MGR, LCDR Dave Reid. I hope to contact Pete Richards to ask if it’s not too late to have the items returned to Collins. By all means, if you can get in touch with him before I can, please pass this on to him.

On a similar vein, I wonder if Peter or any one else can shed some light on another Collins artifact that went missing around the same time as the MGR licence plates – ‘The praying hands.’ Said item was a small painting (approximately 5” x 8”) which featured, literally, two praying hands on a turquoise background.

The history behind the painting went more or less like this: Old mate was a WWII RN submariner. His wife gave him the painting which he kept onboard his submarine. After going head-to-head against the tyrannical navies of that era, the submarine was relatively unscathed; Superstition got the better of the crew and the painting was soon lauded as some sort of lucky charm. Next time the submarine sailed, it did so without the painting and the submarine was lost with all hands on board. Not even sure if Old mate was onboard the eternal patrol but in any case, his wife (or some other descendant) gave the painting to the Collins. I acknowledge that due to the intervening years (and all the allowances that I ‘invested’ in pubs various such as The Arkaba and The Saracen's Head) my recollection of the specifics may be a bit hazy but, I’m sure you can appreciate the lore about ‘The praying hands’ none the less. Again, I would love to see this bit of history restored to it’s home. Any help highlighting this one would be appreciated.

I hope common sense prevails and the name plates are returned to their rightful place, if not I may have to launch a campaign to get them back!!!

On a more serious note, we should all do our best to get the "Praying Hands" back.  The painting may be sitting in someone's office gathering dusk with out the occupant knowing the significance of it.  All Navy and ASC staff that may have become temporary custodians are asked to have a good look around.  A more sinister conclusion is that someone may have taken it as a 'souvenir' so if you know of the culprit could you please work on their conscious.

Over the years I have tried to establish contact with the SM Group so that we can get an insight into the trials and tribulations of the current submarine community but with little success.  Over the last couple of months we have been getting the occasional line or two, so from now on these snippets will feature under their own banner.  Let's hear some good news..............

AROUND THE TRAPS
Ray  and Robyn Kemp were amongst a small group of submariners that attended the memorial service at HMAS Cerberus for Paul Green.  Ray reports "As usual Cerberus turned on the rain and cold. Paul had a heart attack around midnight on the15th April about 40 miles from the nearest hospital. His son and sister went to Thailand and brought home part of his ashes, some were left at the village - they had a service also yesterday. Some were put in the Collins port crock and the rest are being interned with his mother today.

Paul built a house in the village with his Thai wife. He had a bike that he rode twice a day to get enough supplies of beer for the night. He helped the kids at the school when in the village if he wasn’t selling time share in the resorts down south. Over the years Paul had 13 dogs in the 8 years he lived in Thailand. They were numbered so the villagers could learn English. He had 4 left 1,2,3 & 5 as 4 had died. He was well loved by the villagers and from all accounts in good health.

It was a very moving service. After the service we went to Rosebud RSL, I had a couple for Paul. Other submariners to attend were Blue Lees, Mac McCullum and Laurie Reeves (Pauls Sea daddy on Onslow).  Rest in Peace Paul (you are a great mate) I will miss that cheeky smile , the fag hanging out of your mouth and the wagging finger."

Jet setter extraordinaire, Milly Milburn is on the move again.... "Hello everyone, Finally made it to Stockholm I think its after 15 years. Its still a lovely place to visit, except for today, when it was only 4 degrees with wonderful cold rain and arctic winds. Yes a constant warning for the arthritic joints. Berlin on Monday then Vienna, Budapest and Oslo. After that I don't know. Possibly returning to England earlier to see some family. Now its time to prepare for tomorrow, literally recharge the batteries Also it maybe a better day weather wise. Bye for now. Something more important needs my attention at this hostel... Olga my hot water bottle please!!!!"

I am often going off about Members moving and not telling us so we can update our records, here is another example.  Ray 'Tug' Wilson wrote "I saw the name of M. Hillman mentioned in dispatches and that name rang a bell.  Could you tell me if this is a 'Mike Hillman' an ex RN Submariner (LME) whose last boat was the Grampus and who used to live in Menai, just south of Sydney.  If it is one and the same persons if you have an email address or an area that he lives in Queensland I would appreciate getting it.  I last saw him 16 years ago and have lost contact."  Unfortunately so have we.  Mike, if you are out there please let me know your current contact details.  If anyone is in contact with Mike, please let him know he has been posted as MIA.

I bet he cannot lift him now........... "I am not sure whether I have sent you this photo in the past. If so apologies for sending it again, It is a much younger Howard Rutter and his son Steven in March 1978, prior to the departure of HMAS Onslow for exercise RIMPAC 78."   If you have a photo of you and the ankle biters send me a copy for the web.

Tasmanian Member Ian 'Dougal' Doig asks "I've bumped into a bloke called 'Dave' down here who spent most of his life at sea with the other P&O Line as a Purser. He reckons he has vivid memories of one of the boats (can't remember which one) being alongside the "Iberia" sometime in the 60's. He tells me the crew got to use the ship's facilities and had such a good time they threw him into the pool fully booted and spurred. He had a smile on his dial when he spun the yarn, so obviously it was all in good fun; you'd expect nothing else from submariners after all. Can anyone tell me/him which boat?" Can anyone remember, if so let me know?

John 'Boot' Hatfield sent this link to a (his words) great tour on an old WW2 submarine. This link takes you to the site and once you have it up, you can rotate the view of every compartment to see it 360 degrees. And then click on next page to change " rooms".  This is probably the closest Boot ever got to seeing "sm rooms", they didn't have them in the EM workshop at Plats!

Holbrook seems to be gaining in popularity on ANZAC Day as David Bryan reports "I went to Holbrook for the third time for the march ex Otway and all that.  Thirteen submariners turned up include a serving WO and PO Stoker, The Old Farts ----Two from Wollongong, two from Sydney, two from Melbourne and two from Canberra. The rest from Sydney, I think? A great time had by all."

Gavin Dwyer writes "I was down at the supermarket car park the other day. I noticed a car with a bumper sticker "I am a retired BRITISH Submariner."  I waited for the person to return and introduced myself as a 'Retired Australian
Submariner'. Needless to say that 'bond' was there. He surprised me when he stated he joined boats in '42. He didn't look that much older than me.  Bill Dalton also commissioned HMS Ambush. That was the boat I did the day at sea on in '68.  He was a member of the SAA but lost contact during several moves."  Hopefully a new Member soon.

Can't keep some old buggers down!  Dave Luck reports on his heart by-pass operation in the UK.  "On the surface, opened up, after completing the hospital patrol. Gave them something to think about though, the pre op nurse said nobody had got out in less than seven days, did it in three."

Ray 'Tug' Wilson writes "Just to let you know that my rear neighbour is my old run ashore mate, Norm 'Darky' Henwood, (when he was the Buffer at Dolphin Two and I had just finished my Part Three on Grampus). I look in on him at least once a week as he is not travelling too good nowadays.  Can't get it out of him just what is wrong but when I do I'll let you know." I talked to Darky recently and he is homebound most of the time.  If any old mate wants to ring him, just email me.

Finger problems last week resulted in a flurry of email and phone calls.  In loading the May pages I had deleted the log icon from the menu. Soon had it fixed once I understood what the 'thingy' was they all referred to..... One example was this from Chris Thomas "Trust you are traveling well up there in God's country, has to be better up there than down here in BrisVegas……..am sure you are soaking in the rays, just as much as we are down here but surely you are in a much more peaceful environment. Enuff of the pleasantries. This evening when I went to Up Periscope, something I do every Sunday evening at this time, The Chief Stokers Log “thingy” was missing, adrift…………or simply not there. OMG I said wot has happened? And thus went to the Association website and was greatly relieved that an update was available.  Have I finally worn out this keyboard or has the demon from the deep infested itself in my computer. Wot has happened?……….."

I could understand Chris not being to cluey on things technical, like a computer, after all he was an EMWR!  But then he came out with "Have finally gone back to sea with the Coast Guard…………..once an OD always an OD, they are try to teach a greenie to tie knots, glad that they have plenty of patience."  Some people never learn!!!! I wonder if Chris wired this "thingy"?

Or was it Stokky?  I realised that another of our members, LSETSM Jacobus Stokman, was doing a stint in skimmers, he had enough of the SM games for a while.  He said "Loving the life out here atm. Even MR (Mission Readiness) workups are easy in comparison to SM ones.  Anyway, should you ever be in the West again, come and visit my parents restaurant." I have eaten there and suggest that you pay it a visit, The Stockman's Rest, 1409 Karnup Rd. Serpentine WA 6125 (08) 9525 7003.

HEALTH & WELFARE MATTERS
Review of War Caused Disabilities and Pharmaceutical Costs
Delivering on an Australian Government election commitment, Minister for Veterans’ Affairs Alan Griffin today released the Consultation Paper for the Review of War Caused Disabilities and Pharmaceutical Costs and encouraged veterans to have their say on its findings. “The Government has a long standing commitment to these veterans to review the costs associated with treatment from their war-caused or related conditions,” Mr Griffin said.

“The widening gap between the pharmaceutical safety net and the allowances available to veterans for medicines for war caused conditions has been recognised by this Review.”   The Review determined that it was not possible to meet the Government’s commitment to directly link veterans’ pharmaceutical use to their war caused disabilities. However, two options have been identified which are still in keeping with the Government’s commitment. Both options go beyond the Government’s commitment for many of the veterans affected.

Importantly, the Review also identified the value of the pharmaceutical copayment in promoting the quality use of medicines in the community, and sustaining the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme.   “I encourage the veteran community to read the Consultation Paper and carefully consider its findings. It is important that veterans have their say on a preferred way forward and I encourage them to do so by making a submission,” Mr Griffin said.

Submissions for individuals and ex-service organisations are currently open and will close on Friday, 18 June 2010.

The Consultation Paper for the Review of War Caused Disabilities and Pharmaceutical Costs is available at www.dva.gov.au.

---

Sunday, 2^nd May 2010

Peter Carter wrote "Thanks heaps for that wonderful Queensland water (everyone knows stokers make all the water in the world) to get the Darling river running and Menindee Lake filling took the wife yesterday and even as an ex-tanky myself was amazed."  So Queensland is good for something after all!  The heavy rain that we had was OK, but the constant drizzle ever since is pissing me off, we are having the sun rationed to a few hours a day.  My lawn is dying, waterlogged!!!

CDRE Bob Trotter (RAN (Rtd) was in my area this week and he emailed "I waved at the turnoff to Bauple as I passed by yesterday. In accordance with Naval protocol I thought it best to let you know that I am on your patch. I am in Hervey Bay about to sail down to Tin Can Bay over Thurs/Fri for the start of the Tin Can Bay to Hervey Bay (Bay2Bay) Yacht Race on Saturday."   As Engineers go, Bob is not a bad bloke so I decided to head down to Tin Can Bay on Saturday morning at 0500 to do a bit of fishing and hopefully catch up with Bob to say g'day.  Oh foolish me, the road to the Bay from Bauple is though the Pine Plantations, about 50 kilometers of dirt road track with potholes big enough for a cow to fit in.  At 0500, the potholes are hard to see and did I mention the bloody cows, they kept appearing out of the mist, in the middle of the road. Poor old Niggs was thrown all around and was not impressed. After we had gone about 20 kilometers (at about 10 KPH) they SatNave decided it was lost and starting abusing me and telling me to do a U Turn!! No bloody way......... we forged on!

Needless to say, we eventually got there but it took over two hours and left me a nervous wreck.  Unfortunately, the number of boats and crews there surprised me and as the crews were doing nautical things to their boats at several locations I did not catch up with Bob.  And I caught no fish, the tide was out.

One thing that did surprise me was the amount of ballast that many of these sailors carried, I think that I may have qualified as crew.  I expected to see groups of super fit young gents in skimpy shorts and polo necked jumpers, but instead was greeted by the sight of the worst dressed sailors I have ever seen (now I know where we got the idea for Pirate rig at sea) with ages ranging from 10 to a 100 (mostly around 80) and most with beer guts - including the women.  No wonder we cannot regain the America's Cup.

As we get older we need to become aware of the dangers of technology. I was in coffee shop yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass wind . The music was really, really loud, so I timed my relief with the beat of the music.  After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed everybody was staring at me.  Then I suddenly remembered I was listening to my iPod.

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SUBMARINE ASSOCIATION AUSTRALIA
Last week I lamented on the fact that the lack of nominations for our Executive, especially that of President, Secretary and Pensions coordinator was a concern.  The Constitution covers this possibility and calls from the floor at the meeting are required, but this limits the potential candidates considerably. To ensure that we are not put in this position a call has gone out to Branches to call for volunteers for these positions so that the Members present at the AGM have an opportunity to cast a meaningful vote.  Please consider your options; if you can spare the time and would like to become involved please contact you Branch Secretary.

An action on the Secretary at the last AGM was to investigate possible changes in the structure and way the Association does business.  Unfortunately health issues have resulted in most of my planned dates being missed, but with the improvement of my health I have got back in to the swing of things.  The actions were based on a Proposal that I submitted to last year's AGM and after having another 12 months in this job I believe that my Proposal was far too ambitious, management at all levels of the association is not prepared for it.

However, I strongly believe that change MUST happen if we are to breathe life into the Association and after getting a large amount of feedback from interested members have come up with my thoughts on the future of the Association.  The proposals will be with the National Committee this week and will not be well received my some of them.  However, we must consider what is best for the Association in the long term. Put away the personal wheelbarrows, stop arguing over "the best terminology or words to use" and embrace change.  I will be putting my recommendations online the following week to enable Members to comment.  Interesting days ahead.

Come on guys............ The number of Members that have yet to pay their subscriptions for 2010 is still far too high. The response has been dismal, please pay up or advise us of your intentions.   Note:  We also had several payments for subs that cannot be identified, no name on EFT deposit.  Was this yours????

Norm Williams
National Secretary
0419 863 558

North Queensland Branch
The North Queensland Branch had quite a successful weekend last weekend, with our general meeting held on the Saturday afternoon and the Anzac Day march on the Sunday. The meeting was held in Legacy Townsville's new offices, behind the RSL. Whilst the out of town participation was a little disappointing, it was heartening to see two members of the SAA attend their first NQ meeting in the form of Stew Pegler and James Braund. They were both most welcome. We had a dozen attend the meeting and all stayed for dinner at the RSL afterwards. It was particularly good to see the people that had travelled distance to attend, such as Mal Bridge and Kay from Mackay, Peter Nielsen from Cairns and Kev Marengo from Bowen.

Sunday morning saw most attend the various dawn ceremonies, with the branch forming up under the SAA banner at Strand Park. More that 2000 personnel marched with crowds lining the three kilometer route to Anzac Park and giving enthusiastic support to the marchers. We were honoured to have Cmdr Mike Bowden RAN ( rtd) march with us. Mike was in Townsville with his family to welcome home from Afghanistan, his eldest son David, who is a Lieutenant in the Australian Army. It was also most heartening to see two new Collins class submariners turn up and march with us. We are in the process of tracking down their details. Bill Andrews was one and I'm tracking the other down through his work.

Afterwards, we all retired to the RSL to regale each other with tales of daring do, which like a fine wine, have improved with the passing of years.

Sunday afternoon saw quite a fine game of Rugby between the Townsville team and the Queensland Army side, in which David Bowden had been selected. Townsville narrowly won 14 -13.

Hope this finds you well and look forward to catching up with you all at Coffs.

Garth Schmidt
Secretary, NQSAA

South Australian Branch,
We had a great rollup for ANZAC Day – About 60 members plus a swag of HMAS Dechaineux crew. 

David Bryant 
President, SAASA

(To see photos select image to enlarge, select back arrow on browser to return to page.)

 

AROUND THE TRAPS
I have been keeping in touch with Paul Green's mum and I can now report that he has been cremated in Thailand and his ashes are coming home with his son and sister.  There is a service to celebrate his life at HMAS Cerberus on the 5^th May at 1000 and guests are welcome. Brother in law, Chook Fowler is arranging something at the Naval Association Rockingham, nothing big just a get together of his friends to share a beer and spin a few dits in memory of Paul. Will keep you updated as it happens.

I was pleased to hear from John 'Tid' Currie this week, his cancer is giving him hell. He wrote "Thought it was time I gave you an update on happenings since my last whingeing session.  I had the first of the new Chemo sessions on Wednesday 24th March, by Saturday 27th I was laid up in bed at home, and by Thursday 1st April I was flat out in St Andrews Hospital.  Pure bloody purgatory, every orifice going at once, night and day, shit oh! dear, I am getting close to repenting my sins, and look out you lot, I can take a few of you with me too. They even did a brain scan - yes , yes , OK, I can take a joke - as the Oncologist thought that due to the excessive vomiting the cancer may have gone to the brain, luckily all scans were clear.

I got out of St Andrews Hospital on Friday 9th and have just started to come out of it all now (Monday 12th). Guess what happens on Wednesday - you got it Mate, more Chemo, although he is going to lower the dosage a little this time. Depending on how this session goes is whether we keep up with the Chemo or just take a scan and see where it is at at this stage. Hair started falling out in great heaps so bit the bullet, will attach results.

Thanks to all those who have been sending such great E-mails, they are all muchly appreciated by Anne and myself, will catch most of you at SUBCON, All the best Tid."

I received a follow up "Will give you the latest on the saga of the nwe Chemo (Taxotere) since then. Had the second dose on Wednesday 14th April, all good, on Sunday 18th was ambulanced to Modbury Hospital for stabilisation and then transferred to St Andrews on Monday. More of the same. The Doc was terrific and did everything he could to comply with my wishes that I wanted to be out by ANZAC Day to attend our Reunion. Come ANZAC eve he came to see me and declared that I was able to be discharged in the morning in time for the March if I thought I could do it.

The missus brought my clobber in and my daughter arranged to pick me up: beaut, all sorted. Leapt out Sunday morning, showered and dressed and got myself discharged and sat down to await daughter with car, not so smart and zesty by this time , actually I was pretty exhausted. Samantha picked me up on time and into town we went, by this time I could hardly walk so Sam nipped back to the Hospital and borrowed a wheelchair. To cut it all short I watched the March from the sidelines and then joined the lads for a couple of hours at the Reunion, wouldn't have missed it for quids, Driven home and crashed.

I am now near to full recovery from that little lot and can look forward to my next dose next Wednesday.  Enough for now Mate, I shall enclose a recent photo, (please be seated to view) Best Tid"

I have been also been talking to Colin 'Spanner' Watts this week after receiving an email from him, he is also undergoing treatment for cancer.  He wrote "Well just another quick word to let you know how things are going. I'm writing this wile I'm undergoing my treatment to take my mind of it for a bit. All things considered every thing is going well. I'm just starting to have some trouble getting round, but it's really not much to complain about. I had a good ANZAC day I didn't do the dawn service or march but did get to the Army V Townsville rugby game where I bumped into my uncle and Garth from the submarine Association. Only 3 more treatments to go the hard part about it is that they fill your bladder up with the stuff then you ain't allowed to pee for 2 hours. It's not fun it's more like being on a Jap game show than getting cancer treatment. Anyway only an hour to go all my best wishes and I hope to here from you soon."

Both Tid and Spanner are showing great strength and continue to retain some sense of humour. Tid can be contacted by email or on 0421 505 277 and Spanner by email.  If you want a snail mail address contact me, I am sure that your thoughts will be appreciated.

Ex WOETS Dave Luck, currently a UK resident,  is also in the wars....."I am heading off to hospital today to get the first of my three arterial bypasses done. I expect to be in for ten days so plenty of pit time. Murphy's law sends me in now when the weather is coming good. We'll probably have our two weeks of summer while I'm cooped up. Hopefully they will have them all done in time for me to fly to Melbourne for SUBCON next year. I have to wait six months after the last one is done before I can make a long haul flight" 

Last week I mentioned that Peter Richards had the three name plates for HMAS Collins' diesels - Haxa, Subba and Fnask, which he is going to present to the Port Adelaide Naval Association for display in their "Submarine corner". I asked "What tiffie picked out those names?"  Well now we know, the entry prompted a response from those involved;

Dog Masters wrote "The plates were a collaborative effort by those of us in the first Collins Engineering Dept. The names are the Swedish terms for Bitch, Whore and Slut! We thought having the English words would be un-PC. Why were they removed, I wonder?"

Christopher “Joel’ Garner AM responded with "I read with interest the fact that Pete Richards has the HMAS Collins’ DE name plates ‘Haxa’, ‘Fnask’, and ‘Subba’, and intends to present them to Port Adelaide Naval Association. Considering I was involved with the purchase of the plates, I think they should be returned to HMAS Collins where they belong.

These plates, about the size of car number plates, were purchased by the commissioning crew of Collins' (plank owners to the yanks) and I had wondered where they had gotten to. I believe they disappeared during the battery change out docking in 1999, when the boat was at ASC Adelaide.

The names come from the RAN sailors obsession with naming everything, we also named the main motor ‘Ralph’ because during an early vacuum test the main motor spewed coolant and lube oil everywhere, so ‘Ralph’ seemed an appropriate name. The number plate I purchased for the main motor lasted a while, but then disappeared, f%&king light fingered bastards.

Anyway, Haxa, Fnask and Subba are Swedish words and mean Slut, Bitch, and Whore, and if memory serves me correctly Paul ‘Bulkhead’ Newman sourced the name from a Kockums contractor who was sea riding the boat during initial trials. In fact a Swedish navy Engineering officer that visited the boat in WA, while I was POLTO, had a little giggle when he stepped through 76 bulkhead and saw the plates. He refused to tell his officer escorts why he was had a little laugh, and they cornered me later and laughed themselves when I told them what the name plates meant.

Two little old ladies asked me what the name plates meant during an open day in Albany, WA. When I refused to tell them because I tried not to swear in front of women they assured me they wouldn’t take offense. So when I said the plates meant Slut, Bitch, and Whore they were silent for a while and then laughed at the names and admitted that I did give them plenty of warning."

Jim Taaffe said "With regard to Collins's diesel nameplates, from memory it was Paul Newman (not a spit! Tiffy) who came up with the names after consulting one of the Swedish fellows who was at ASC. I think they expressed our delight with the operation of the diesels at the time, during the trials period. I am surprised that the names lasted so long. I thought the PC police would have gotten rid of them a long time ago - perhaps they were too dumb to get a translation!! A pity the Trials crew PCC dit book disappeared before the boat was commissioned - had some interesting stories and observations in it.

Victorian Member Bob Appleton writes "For 2 years on the trot, I have been asked to address first, the young people of Geelong at the Geelong School's Anzac service, then this year, the 'Old folk' at Grace McKeller aged care centre.  At each assembly, I've told them the story of AE2 and how important it was to the Gallipoli landings. I don't know of your thoughts, but in each of those addresses, I intimated that if AE2 hadn't sent that signal of success, the generals on shore might have achieved their wish to evacuate. Instead, they were told ----'the Australian submarine has got up through the Narrows and has torpedoed a gunboat - - you have got through the difficult stuff, now you have only to dig, dig, dig, until you are safe.' So - if it hadn't been for AE2, there wouldn't have been an 'Anzac' day!! Obviously, win, lose or draw, we submariners have the power to change history!! I shed a tear for the 39 mates I lost off 'Tempest' and all the others who have gone since then. Sad. But life goes on I guess, but I still remember."

Received the following from Owen Pate from the UK.  "I'm an ex British Royal Navy submariner, at present I'm researching submarine badges and insignias with the hope of publishing a book or starting up a web site (maybe both). A couple of years ago I came across an unofficial badge which came from (I presume) the "OXLEY" Class submarines. My contacts in the RAN haven't been able to shed any light on its origins, production or distribution, they came up with a big fat zero. I have attached an image of the "O" badge for your inspection." I explained that the Oberang (without Dolphins and submarine) was worn on the fin of our Oberons and were sought after by thieves from other submarines and ships and disappeared occasionally. The small pin that he had were made as cuff links, lapel badges etc. Does anyone know who designed the Oberangs?

Greg Raymond sent the following email, but Kaffa, being a married man does not need this info, however I but I will pass it on to him for the single lads (and lasses) on HMAS Anzac that wish to investigate the local culture. "I read with some distress of Kaffa's problem in Singapore, I have been told to look for the twin towers with a sailing ship on the top. Within these premises he will find four floors of ladies? Who are willing to offer their physical and cultural diversities to lost tourist and wayward sailors. Being married for over 20 years I have not partaken in this, but one does remember the sins of the flesh."

Another less cultured (a Tiffie) offered "Of course the China Fleet Club was always a cheap watering hole on the off pay week and if one had 50 cents left a quick trip to the rooftops for a granny gummy was end to a good cheap run !!!!!!!!!!!!" These guys were in a different Navy than I, my time in exotic ports while on Ovens was spent assisting in humanitarian projects, visiting places of interest and taking the opportunity to pray for my sins, of which there were very few, in local churches. I was helped to stay on the straight and narrow by my mates. The photo below shows me worshipping in Singapore, wearing native head dress and robe, the vibrator shaped object was a symbol of happiness with the locals.

Bob 'Jock' Wilson wrote "All this talk on the Log about the Yanks creating 'non-smoking' submarines gave me a flashback to the early days of Oxley. At the time about one third of the Senior Rates were non-smokers. A Mess Meeting was held - yeah we still held Mess Meetings then - and an agreement was reached that the Senior Rates Mess would be smoke free during meal times - it seemed a fair settlement. At the evening meal you say that the scene was tense. By breakfast the following morning there was a considerable amount of irritability and testiness in the air and by lunch time the knives were out and it looked like getting violent. It just so happened that the 1200 - 1400 watch had the majority of non-smokers on watch. By the time that we came off watch we found that an Extra Ordinary Mess Meeting had been called and the previous motion had been rescinded. So much for looking after your mates etc. Sandy can vouch for this - he was Mess Secretary at the time." We had similar experiences on Ovens. Once, while I was Mess Press, we had a majority of non smokers and we voted on no smoking during meals or movies. It worked for quite a while and it was a treat to be able to watch a movie and actually see that not all were made in the fog.

Mike 'George' Washington wrote "Looking at all those photos in your Log of ANZAC over the years brings back many memories. I have attached a photo my ANZAC Day. The community (150 people) march from the church to the cenotaph and have a small ceremony. I am sure many of your readers remember the many great characters that came out of the Torres Strait and served in ships/boats/carriers etc. Of course my all time favourite would be Jimmy Dorante.  In the photo are two ex-army chaps who are now in the Army Reserve."

Roberta Williams visited Carl in prison - the day before he died.  She noticed how fat Carl was getting and said " Jeeze Carl, an exercise Bike wouldn't kill ya! "

Fess Parker writes "I, in my later years have a couple of thoughts, submarine wise. Whatever happened to Lofty Ritchie! He was my little mate,1/2 inch shorter and a day younger...ever heard of his whereabouts? And the other is, that I have a document from Old Scotts Collegians regarding Cdre Bill Littlejohn OBE DSC and I wondered to whom should I address it for the sake of posterity. An old mate of mine attended Scotts with Bill and he obtained the obit etc, for me. What an impressive name the man had! Unfortunately ,my mobility prevented my attendance at ANZAC Services but, needless to say I had many thoughts and a couple of whiskies.”Raise a glass”

John Goss said "A couple of recent photo's of Plat's the troops may find interesting. Taken as late as 6th April 2010. The development sign on the gate will no doubt be of interest - more info can be found at the Sydney Harbour Federation Trust web site. Photo doesn't show some of the broken windows in the Admin Building - a bit depressing when viewed up close. Not our concern I agree but the site holds many great memories for our vintage." Instead of loading the photos I thought it beast to encourage visitors to visit the Harbour Trust's HMAS Platypus web site, worth a visit and contains the latest Minutes of the Community Advisory Committee (CAC) Meetings and a presentation. Ken Williams is the Association's representative on the CAC.

Planning is now underway for the remediation of the Platypus site. This is the first step in transforming the former submarine base into a new public waterfront location. A Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) between the Department of Defence and the Harbour Trust has now been signed. Defence has agreed to pay for the costs associated with the decontamination of the Platypus site. The current plan is to carry out the remediation project in two stages:

Stage 1 encompasses the above ground remediation and site preparatory works. During this stage, the wharf and seawall will be repaired, sediments in the adjacent waterways investigated to provide background reference information, dilapidation surveys undertaken, above ground contaminants including lead and asbestos will be removed from all buildings and surrounds, the heritage significant retort building dismantled and the administration building and adjacent store demolished. Stage 1 is planned for completion in late 2010.

Stage 2 addresses the below ground contaminant removal and groundwater management works. During this stage, the estimated 35,000 tonnes of below ground hazardous contaminants will be removed and treated, the contaminated ground and seepage water will be treated and a plan for future groundwater management put in place. Planning for this stage is now underway. Stage 2 is planned for completion in late 2012.

This is a complicated project requiring on-going community consultation and detailed planning prior to the works proceeding. The Harbour Trust has recently appointed a Community Consultation Manager and additional Project Management personnel to assist in the co-ordination and implementation of the works.

Sandy Freeleagus reminisced;  "I received a panic phone call from Platypus when I was the CSAP on Oxley up CoDock in refit on a Monday, telling me I was to fly out and join Orion in the UK on the coming Friday, as their SAP (Boots Dagg) was paying off "somewhere in the Red Sea". I asked them who was then going to look after the electrical side of the refit. They told me that my WEEO (George Greaves) would. I then told them that THEY had sent George to sea to fill in on Ovens - so who was replacing me. I didn't go - but Connie Francis presented me with a great collection of photos of Orion's trip home.

Bob Bobilak (photo) and I met Orion at (not yet commissioned) Stirling on its home coming, as we were sent over there to get the submarine power house up and running and produce a set of operating procedures for shore charging. We were "given" Orion for three days to prove the system. What a shambles. Bob found the bank of rectifiers were unearthed when he was thrown right across the power house floor on making the final breaker to put power onto the wharf. The design of the switchboard was so delicate, that as you progressively put on each rectifier, the loads fluctuated until finally one tripped and then dominoed all the others until the power house shut itself down. We were quite impressed with that.

After bypassing most interlocks we managed to charge Orion. One such interlock ensured the powerhouse breaker could not be made unless it sensed power from the boat, and the generator breaker on the boat would not make unless it sensed power from the powerhouse. So the two breakers just sat there looking at each other waiting for the other to act first. Out tool bags and bodgie up the breaker some more. (By this time we were ignoring dock yard workers and doing it ourselves - it was quicker). We slept down the boat where we could (I found the rags-old sacks on top of the main generators quite comfortable. But we did it - and Orion was successfully shore charged. The fact that Bob and I met Orion on coming alongside with four bottles of Old Kedge Blue helped the trials immensely.

We came back to Platypus with a list of 250 major/minor defects in the powerhouse and created a hell of a stir over it.

We flew home to be on the wharf when Orion arrived at Platypus - only to be told that I couldn't go below "because I didn't have the correct security clearance". When I told the trot sentry that I had a beer with him a week ago in his mess on board he said, "Yeah stupid isn't it." After telling the WEEO that his ships staff would have to look after all their own defects, PLATS found we were all instantly security cleared as if by magic.

They don't make Old Kedge Blue any more - thank God!! I remember Les Handicott (he was a funny little bugger - and a good run ashore oppo) drinking Old Kedge Red (which was pure rocket fuel - only good for lighting the barbie) and using Old Kedge Blue as fire-engines. He didn't last long. Ahh - our misguided youth."

Talking of the past, Cockatoo Island continues to become a tourist venue, the gritty industrial landscape of the former shipyard is changing. Now Slipway No. 1 has been converted into a swimming area for visitors to the Island – under the impenetrable gaze of The Diver, a sculpture by award-winning artist Tim Kyle. Made of fibreglass and wood, the monumental figure has been moved to Cockatoo Island and is the latest art initiative for the island. With his enormous helmet and cumbersome grey body, the deep sea diver is impressive. Before being relocated to Cockatoo Island, The Diver was exhibited for six months at the Helen Lempriere Award at Werribee Park in Victoria. Cockatoo Island has already established a reputation as a visual art destination with recent installations by acclaimed Australian sculptor, Ken Unsworth, and South African artist William Kentridge. In May this year the 17th Biennale of Sydney will open on the island, which is one of the key venues for the art festival.

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Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean. Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father. Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that  killed my father! Let's swim closer!"  When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this.

So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces. The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the sailors were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean.

The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and swallow up all the sailors!"

That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, "Oh no... I agreed to the blow job but I am NOT swallowing the seamen.

David Holland caught up with Max Merritt and Rod Baker while in Adelaide over Easter. He said "Had a nice meal with them and our wife's and good chat about the past and future. Can't repeat what Rod said about you - but reckon you know him well enough to know.  Seems NSW mid coast will have to put up with him shortly - might be a good place to visit on weekends for a fish?" I wasn't aware that David was that hard up for friends, surely there was someone else that could have invited him over for a drink!!!  I bet Baker (he is the one that looks like a used car salesman) never shouted!

David also visited Victoria and marched with the Branch. He sent these photos to their Secretary Boot Hatfield, no chance of getting a beer out of that tight arsed greenie! (Don't forget to select to enlarge)

Heard from another Tiffie (there is more spit on my floor than carpet) this week, George Chapman who said he is going well, he has a new knee and did the Port Adelaide dawn service with some of the lads and will definitely do the Adelaide march and get together next year.

Guy Burton Got back into Australia on Thursday 22 April having finished his deployment with CTF150 in Bahrain. He wrote "With the weather just starting to warm up over there, it was time to come back to the Australian winter. Had a good time on the deployment and it certainly provided a wide range of experiences and opportunity to see an interesting part of the world. Here are a couple of photos, one on HMS LANCASTER with a .50cal sniper rifle, and the other in front of the USN 5th Fleet/Combined Maritime Forces/COMCENTCOM HQ in NSA Bahrain."  Welcome home mate.

Not sure if the rumour is true but I heard that a submariner recently returned from a stint overseas was so tempted by all of the sand that he took up sunbathing naked. For the sake of civility, and to keep 'it' from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. One day a female British army officer woman walked past and said, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."  The Australian submariner raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

HEALTH & WELFARE MATTERS
Launch of Returned and Services League of Australia Defence Sub Branch
On 16 April 2010 the Chief of the Defence Force, Air Chief Marshal Angus Houston, joined the President of the Returned and Services League of Australia (RSL), Rear Admiral Ken Doolan (Retired), to launch an online sub branch, exclusively for serving Australian Defence Force (ADF) personnel, to improve their access to RSL venues, support and advice services.

Defence supports the launch of this resource which will ensure that our soldiers, sailors and airmen and women have access to improved support services across all aspects of their lives.  This is a positive initiative that will provide ADF members access to timely advice, assistance and information via a dedicated RSL enquiry website. The RSL has made a commitment to acknowledge enquiries via this site within a 24-hour period and to respond within five working days of receiving an enquiry.

In addition to improved support and advice, ADF members who join the sub branch will receive a membership card which ensures their access to all RSL sub branches and clubs nationwide; along with discounts on merchandise and services; and regular updates on RSL activities and events via emails and a quarterly magazine.

ADF members can join the online RSL Defence sub branch for free for the initial year of membership, with a $30 fee per year thereafter. The sub branch website is: http://www.rsldefencesubbranch.com.au.

CW Orme, AM, CSC
Major General
Head of People Capability/J1 Australian Defence Force
People Strategies and Policy Group

Did the freeloaders empty your wine cellars today? Top up now and take advantage of some great bargains?  For this week's specials go to GetWineDirect and save enough to buy heaps more, you can never have enough wine.   Please visit the website and when you place your order be sure to include the CLUB ID number to go onto your order so the SAA can claim the 5% of sales. SAA ID Number is 3558.